Written by Paula Alvarez (Psychologist, Dance-Movement Therapist, Emotional Intelligence Specialist & Applied Neuroscience in the Educational Field Specialist)
Art by Valentina Taraborelli & Angus Rodriguez Lima
How many times a day do we respond, “I’m fine,” without pausing to reflect on how we really feel? This seemingly harmless phrase often acts as a mask, concealing not only our emotions from others but also from ourselves. The truth is, many of us were never taught to identify or name our feelings with clarity.
While emotional intelligence is a buzzword in discussions about relationships, decision-making, and overall well-being, one essential piece often gets overlooked: having a broad emotional vocabulary. This refers to the words that enable us to identify and express our emotions with precision.
As psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer (2003) explain, emotional intelligence is “the ability to perceive and express emotions, to understand and use them, and to manage them to foster personal growth.” Recognizing and naming our feelings is the first and most fundamental step to developing this vital skill.
The seemingly harmless “I’m fine” response often acts as a mask, concealing our emotions from others and from ourselves.
The First Step: Identifying and Naming Emotions
According to Daniel Goleman, author of the bestseller Emotional Intelligence (1995), self-awareness—“an ongoing attention to one’s internal states”—is the starting point for emotional intelligence. This means paying constant attention to our internal states—what we feel, think, and need. It’s the skill that allows us to clearly state, “What I’m feeling is sadness.”
Similarly, Salovey and Mayer’s model highlights emotional perception as the foundational dimension: “the ability to perceive and identify emotions in oneself and others, as well as to appreciate the emotional dimension of other stimuli such as works of art, music, and stories.” Without this clarity, it becomes significantly harder to understand and regulate emotions.
Both models emphasize the same critical point: Naming our emotions accurately helps us process our experiences and respond more effectively to daily challenges. Without this skill, navigating emotions feels like sailing without a map or compass.
Recognizing and naming our feelings is the first and most fundamental step to developing emotional intelligence.
Why Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary?
When we have a limited emotional vocabulary, expressing how we feel becomes challenging. Phrases like “I’m fine” or “I’m not okay” fail to capture the depth of our emotions. Learning to identify and name specific emotions provides numerous benefits:
- Clearer Expression: It allows us to communicate our feelings more precisely, moving beyond generic terms that often hide deeper emotions.
- Better Emotional Regulation: When we label emotions specifically—such as “I’m frustrated” instead of “I’m angry”—we can find more effective strategies to manage them.
- Healthier Relationships: Understanding our emotions makes us more empathetic and improves our ability to connect with others.
Naming our emotions accurately helps us process our experiences and respond more effectively to daily challenges.
Exercises to Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary
If you’re ready to move beyond the standard “I’m fine” response, here are some practical exercises to develop a richer emotional vocabulary:
Explore the Atlas of Emotions
Created by psychologist Paul Ekman with input from the Dalai Lama, this interactive tool maps how emotions evolve, their triggers, and how they relate to one another.
Keep an Emotional Journal
Write down at least three emotions you experienced during the day. Be specific—swap “happy” for “grateful” or “proud,” and “sad” for “worried” or “expectant.” This habit can greatly enhance your ability to name your feelings.
Use the Emotion Wheel
Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions breaks down basic emotions into more specific terms. For instance, anger can branch into “irritation” or “resentment,” while joy can lead to “enthusiasm” or “satisfaction.” Using this tool helps pinpoint your exact emotional state.
Listen to Your Body
Emotions often manifest physically before we can name them. A knot in the stomach may signal worry or fear, while shoulder tension might indicate stress. Observing these physical cues can guide you to the emotion behind them.
Take the First Step Toward Emotional Wellness
Expanding your emotional vocabulary is more than just learning new words—it’s a transformative tool for understanding yourself, processing experiences, and building authentic relationships. Each emotion you identify and name brings you closer to a more conscious and emotionally healthy version of yourself.
Next time someone asks, “How are you?” dare to go beyond “I’m fine.” Start practicing with these exercises and watch as your ability to recognize, name, and manage emotions becomes a cornerstone of your emotional wellness.
Take the first step today toward greater emotional clarity and a healthier, happier you.
References
- Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantan Books, New York.
- Salovey, P., Mayer, J. D., Caruso, D., & Lopes, P. N. (2003). Measuring emotional intelligence as a set of abilities with the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test. In S. J. Lopez & C. R. Snyder (Eds.), Positive psychological assessment: A handbook of models and measures (pp. 251–265). American Psychological Association.
