Testimonial written by Malena Sanchez Moccero*
Photographs: Courtesy of the author
“Mothers are all slightly insane.”
—J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
Summer holidays are long when you have three kids, a lot of work, and no help at all. But I’ve always been hard on myself, and I no longer think I can change that. For a while now, I’ve felt dissatisfied with the way I mother. I see myself as overly critical, frequently frustrated, and discontent, and I don’t like being this kind of mother to them.
Many nights, I tell myself, Starting tomorrow, things will be different. But nothing ever changes. That’s why I decided to take on this challenge—because words help me reflect, and a two-week challenge pushes me to commit to change. And they say a change can turn into a habit. I really hope this one does.
With optimism and seriousness, I’m starting this challenge to become a more relaxed mother—a better mother, in the end. Let’s see what happens.
Day 1: I Want To Be a Relaxed Mom
Starting this challenge while my three children are on summer break is tough. I’ve promised myself to stop being angry all the time—constantly pointing out what they do wrong, giving orders, threatening, and complaining.
Every night when I go to bed, I feel frustrated as a mother. I replay the day’s moments and regret how I reacted—how I lost my temper, how I was too harsh, how intolerant I was. Instagram is constantly showing me images of “perfect” mothers, and that only amplifies my frustration. Last Mother’s Day, I wondered: How will my children remember me? How will they describe me as a mother?
People often tell me what a good mother I am—mostly my mom’s friends who watch my life on Instagram. And I already know, but we tend to forget: real life isn’t what we see on social media. Yet we fall for it, over and over again. Then someone tells me how adorable my kids are and what a great mother I am, and suddenly, I feel like a complete fraud.
My husband tells me I’m a good mother too—usually when he sees how frustrated I get. He reminds me of my patience, of how I’ve read to them every night for the past ten years.
“I want to be a relaxed mom,” I told my therapist the other day. She smiled. “Let’s explore that image,” she said. “What does she look like?”
“Like the ones in the ads,” I answered. Perfect. White, radiant teeth. Long, curly hair. Smiling proudly as her children run into her arms. But it’s not really about how she looks—what captivates me is the way she gazes at her children.
“That’s an image created by someone trying to sell you something. You know that, right?” my therapist said.
She discouraged me from taking on this challenge. She always talks about embracing nuance, about avoiding extremes. I bet she’s a relaxed and wise mother.
Day 2: Let’s Start Making Some Changes
“We can’t expect things to change if we continue doing the same things.” Albert Einstein said something like that once, and I remembered the quote last night.
Something has to change.
The first thing my husband and I decided on was not letting them watch TV as soon as they wake up. During holidays, letting them watch TV first thing in the morning had been our go-to solution to keep them quiet while one of their siblings was still sleeping. But soon, it turned into the worst idea. With their different ages, as each one woke up, they would start arguing over which cartoon to watch. Then came the yelling, and we had to step in—frustrated, angry—usually ending up turning off the TV. An exhausting battle.
So, we opted to start the day without TV. Less screen time. We explained it to them; they complained but had no choice and accepted it. Still, every morning, they ask if they can watch. We remind them of the rule, and they eventually give up. The absence of morning TV is showing good results. We’re starting the day better.
Day 3: Ups and Downs
Not only are my kids on summer break, but my therapist is too.
My husband and I are home alone with the kids all day, juggling work and childcare on our own. It’s not ideal, but at this point, it feels too late to change things. Soon enough, all three will be back in school, and we’ll finally have some time for ourselves.
I love talking to new moms. I always tell them to make time for themselves. But I rarely follow my own advice—usually realizing it when it’s too late.
In our family, bad days are often followed by good, calm ones. We sink deep into the dark ocean, then suddenly come up for a breath of fresh air—only to plunge back down again. These fluctuations teach you not to get your hopes up.
Yesterday was a bad day. The kids fought all day, screamed at each other, and I yelled at them. I turned off the TV. My husband talked to them—God, he loves giving lectures. The kids looked angry. So did I. When they see me serious but calm, they usually come and hug me—especially the little one.
Today, I’m trying to be an example for them. Will they remember these days too?
I spoke calmly, we painted mandalas, and I read Harry Potter before bed.
Day 4: Massive Unfollow
So much of the way motherhood is portrayed on social media is a performance. Yet both the performers and the audience pretend it’s real. Instagram hides far more than it reveals.
The second change I made today was unfollowing every motherhood-related account on social media. I’d had enough. Pediatricians, nutrition experts, influencer moms—all showcasing their perfect parenting, preaching absolute truths, telling us exactly how we should speak to our children in every little situation. A massive unfollow. A motherhood account detox.
I suppose that in a few days—or maybe just hours—I’ll start feeling the effects of this action.
Day 5: Let’s Split Up (or, Three is a Crowd)
When you have three kids, a good strategy is to split up. We’ve been trying this whenever we can. If my husband takes one to do the groceries while I stay at home with the other two, everything runs more smoothly and peacefully.
With three kids, it’s almost a mathematical certainty that at least one of them will be going through some kind of inner turmoil, making everything more… explosive.
Three is a tricky number. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. My husband often jokes with his friends, “Two kids and a dog—that’s the perfect balance.” They laugh, of course. But when I watch my kids, I have no regrets. Despite the chaos, I love them so much that I can’t imagine our family being just four. I often think each of my kids came into the world with a purpose. But let’s not get existential—let’s get back to the challenge.
In our parents’ generation, having three or more kids was common. But in my home, at least, my parents had more help—someone cleaning and cooking every day, even on Saturdays. Sometimes, I see how extreme our loneliness is in comparison, and I can’t help but feel a little envious when I spot all the grandparents waiting at the school doors. We don’t live near family, so we can’t count on that extra support.
Day 6: Some Conclusions After my Over-Research
Summer is hard. Fortunately, we have a pool—but with the pool comes the noise, the same words repeated over and over from different mouths: “Mummy, look! Look at me, Mummy! Look what I can do!”
Which brings me back to Einstein’s quote: Okay, let’s try something different.
I scroll through social media and see ads promising to lead me to The Promised Land: “End the yelling cycle,” “Don’t be a toxic parent,” “Peaceful parenting,” and so on. Should I pay for this stuff? Or will I feel ridiculous for spending money on someone telling me things I already know?
I’ve been a mom for over ten years now—and I’ve been over-researching since day one. A professional habit, I guess. My research evolves as the kids grow and new challenges arise. From my latest readings, I’ve drawn a few conclusions that I’ll try to apply from now on: fewer rules, more trust, less control, reasonable independence.
I remember reading Maria Montessori’s books when my first son was born. She said that children given more independence develop stronger problem-solving skills and greater confidence.
Day 7: Less Talking, More Doing
“He didn’t realize that love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark.”
—J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
The figure of the mother. Ugh. So heavy. So much responsibility. Since becoming a mother, I’ve found work to be so much easier. I work hard, I love my job, and people are generally happy with what I do. But being a good mother? That’s my real, daily challenge.
We talk to our children too much. The talking is more of a catharsis for us, not something that’s useful for them—they just don’t listen, and it doesn’t work. So we decided on a small change: less talking, more doing. For example, instead of explaining why healthy food matters or debating why they can’t have something right now, we just stopped buying or keeping unhealthy food at home altogether. It seems so obvious while I’m writing it, but it took us a while to realize it. And surprisingly, it’s working. No more battles over food they can’t have at the moment. If they’re hungry, whatever they find is fine to eat, because there’s no junk food in the house at all.
Another example: Instead of overly explaining the negative impact of too much screen time at their age or debating about the latest scientific studies, we’ve just set clear, non-negotiable rules: TV or online games are allowed for a set amount of time, at specific times of the day.
No endless arguments, no drawn-out explanations. Just boundaries. I hope we can keep this up.
“My Journey Through Motherhood” is delivered in two parts. Continue reading #2 here.
*Malena Sánchez Moccero is a journalist specializing in culture and education. As a mother of three young children, she devours everything she can find on motherhood and parenting, drawn to the dilemmas of gender inequality, domestic labor division, and societal expectations of mothers. A perfectionist with high personal standards, she often struggles to balance idealized motherhood with real-life demands.
