Interview by Sofia Campos Caminos

Based in New York City, Benjamin Camras describes himself as “a lifelong introvert and socially anxious individual”. Benjamin now empowers singles and daters to approach relationships and flirting with confidence, clarity, and fun. Through his work as a dating coach and content creator, he encourages authentic connection in all forms—whether platonic, romantic, or self-connection—helping his 147,000 social media followers embrace the value of meaningful relationships that foster healing and life transformation.

His work has been featured in Fortune, The Huffington Post, NBC News, and Yoga Journal. You can find him on Instagram, TikTok, stream the Flirtations Flirtcast, available wherever you listen, and explore opportunities for 1:1 coaching with him.

In this interview, Benjamin shares how he started his mission on coaching, the importance of confidence, intuition, and vulnerability when it comes to relationships, and how to tackle common issues like fear of rejection, anxiety and dating burnout! His work promoting self-trust and connection is truly inspiring.

SIMPLE PEOPLE: How has this project of being a coach and helping others transformed your life?

BENJAMIN: Before doing my flirt coach thing, creating content for the Flirtations podcast, and coaching, I had a nine-to-five office job. I was a city planner for a long time—over 10 years. That’s what I went to school for, and I don’t think I was on the wrong path. I very much enjoyed that work, but I wasn’t on the right one anymore, and it was time to discover something else, a new passion, a new interest, and get to know myself a little bit more.

I’ve always thought of myself as creative. I love creating things, connecting with people, and thinking outside the box. In my nine-to-five, there was creativity; I mean, we were encouraged to think outside the box. I loved the work and the people I worked with, but it just lacked fulfillment for me. That creative drive wasn’t there.

So, I went through a real dark night of the soul. If you’ve heard of the hero’s journey, I was really going through it, struggling with my physical and mental health, in the thick of the pandemic. “What am I going to do? What’s going to happen? What comes next for me?”

I had a conversation with a friend, and he mentioned coaching. It was something I’d never really considered before, never really heard of. If you’ve done some Googling or internet searches, you hear about life coaches, right? They sometimes get a bad rap as being a little bit like, “What is this, and what qualifies you to do this work?” So I was a little skeptical too. But immediately, for the first time in a long time, I had this really strong conviction. I had a strong feeling of intuition to pursue it. 

I kept my job for a couple of years while I trained to be a coach, practiced, and got some credentials. Then, when it came down to it, I quit my job and started my own coaching business. It’s been very rewarding, but also very difficult. The flirt coach aspect came after several iterations, lots of trial and error, and a lot of soul searching. It continues to be challenging. This isn’t easy work, but it’s also very rewarding, and I get to live a creative passion of mine.

So yeah, it’s changed my life in a lot of ways. I want to credit someone you interviewed recently, Donna Davidge, who I also know as Amrita, the founder and lead teacher of Sewall House Yoga Retreat, where I did my yoga teacher training. She taught me a lot about myself. I’ve been very fortunate to have had great teachers and healers in my life throughout this journey.

SP: What are the fears that make dating complex instead of simple?

B: We can use some self-awareness here to identify the core thoughts that make this process anxiety-producing or difficult—like, ‘I’m scared to put myself out there,’ or ‘I’m scared of being vulnerable.’ There are a lot of factors at play, but what I find in doing this work is that it’s usually related to an underlying core wound, or in yoga, we say samskara—an emotional scar. It’s a belief that you developed out of life experience. You developed this belief for a reason, so don’t shame yourself or blame yourself for having it.

Some of these beliefs are related to the fear of the unknown. (…) There’s a risk in putting yourself out there. What if you catch feelings for someone, and it’s not reciprocated? Or you start to fall in love, and then it leads to a breakup or heartbreak? Sometimes we pull ourselves out of the dating process, or we keep one foot in and one foot out. We hold back—all out of fear of being hurt and fear of rejection.

Another fear is the fear of not being good enough. For me, that’s always been my main samskara. It plays out by feeling like I have to chase, like I have to prove myself or earn my place. You sacrifice boundaries, self-abandon, and make yourself very available—people-pleasing, the ‘yes’ type of dater. You may also gravitate toward being the fixer or the helper. You’re probably a natural giver, someone who’s very empathetic, in tune with other people’s emotions—maybe more so than your own, sometimes.

That’s where a lot of my work has been, personally, as someone who’s still dating. The fear of rejection? Yeah, that’s pretty universal. The fear of the unknown? Definitely. And also, the fear of not being good enough. So, you could certainly have all three, and a lot of daters do. But one is probably more pronounced than the others.

SP: Why do you think confidence is important, and how does vulnerability play a role in that? Additionally, how do you see vulnerability as being linked to authenticity? 

B: There’s the theme of vulnerability and authenticity. I think those two terms are very interrelated, and we’ll come back to confidence in a minute. But talking about vulnerability, it’s about putting yourself out there. But a lot of times, we can perform vulnerability. So maybe on a first date, a second date, or even on a dating app, if you’re using one, you may feel like you have to put it all out there. You have to share your whole life story. You might gravitate toward oversharing. There are a few reasons why you may do this: you feel like it’s the right thing to do, or you feel like that’s how you connect with someone. Maybe you’re uncomfortable and you want to rush the dating process a little bit. Subconsciously, that could be part of your actions here. But ultimately, if something becomes a habit—if you’re always oversharing, always talking a lot about yourself—that’s not really being vulnerable. That’s just being familiar with an existing pattern. To be vulnerable implies taking a risk. And as part of that risk, you have to ask questions. You have to listen and observe. You need to trust your intuition and listen to yourself. You really need to stay true to your wants and desires. Are you acting in alignment with them? If so, you can align and attract the people or partners you want in your life.

True vulnerability means allowing yourself to be seen, putting yourself out there—not as a performance, not because you feel like you have to, but being able to be with those moments of stillness and silence, those uncomfortable moments, the anxiety-producing moments. Trust yourself that you’re going to be okay. Then, be curious, ask questions, and really get to know someone so you can focus on compatibility—lifestyle, values. Is this someone I actually like and enjoy being around, or do they just make me feel good in the moment? Am I attaching, thinking, “I need, want, or have to have this person” versus connecting with the thought, “I choose to be with this person”?

So, some of what’s coming to mind with that question, and then it all funnels into confidence, right? I was talking about this recently on Flirtations, my podcast, and my guest for that conversation was describing the relationship between courage and confidence. We often think confidence leads to courage, but it’s really courage that comes first and fuels confidence. So, being courageous to put yourself out there, ask questions, take a risk, show interest, go on the date—and then, knowing that you’re going to be okay regardless—builds your confidence.

@benjamincamras Have you flirted today?? #flirttok #flirting #flirtcoach #flirty #funandflirty #flirtingadvice #connection #conversation #vibes #vibe #vibration #libra #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage ♬ original sound – emma

SP: I’d like to ask about the challenges of modern online dating. While there are great opportunities to meet people you wouldn’t have otherwise, it can sometimes feel like people are viewed as disposable—just a ‘yes or no’ choice, with no gray areas. How can we shift away from this mindset in the age of easy, consumable connections?

B: Yeah, definitely. A few strategies come to mind. What I think you’re referring to is the experience we have on dating apps, where I’ve often said they take some of the humanness out of the dating process. When you’re reduced to a picture, a profile, and a bio with just a few words, we know that many people, regardless of gender or identity, focus mostly on the visual aspect—looking at pictures and swiping based on that.

Bringing intentionality into the dating process is important. If you’re using apps, think of them as a tool. I like to say that the apps are brokers—they’re the middle person between you and a potential date, allowing you to connect with people you may not have otherwise met. Framing it this way can help shift the mindset.

SP: How important is intuition in the process of connecting with other people?

B: Your intuition is incredibly important. (…) If you’re dating, make intuition a part of your dating strategy. It’s a process of building self-trust with yourself, because what this does is get you more into your body and out of your head. It allows you to feel your way through dating rather than think your way through it. (…) So, your intuition is your guide. It helps you make more intentional choices when dating. If you’ve ever found yourself holding back, or feeling like you have something to say but the words get stuck in your throat, or you have an unexpressed want or desire, something isn’t sitting right with you, but you just go with it, go with the flow, overlook it, and not honoring your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions—this is where your intuition will really help. Trust yourself; you are your own best teacher.

I mean, that’s what I feel like a lot of the work I do as the flirt coach is about. It’s beyond giving you advice, tips, and tricks. The objective of a coach isn’t to tell you what to do or even suggest recommendations. It’s my job as a coach to empower you to trust yourself, so that in those situations, you can make the best decisions for you. I can’t be on the first date with you. I can’t be there at the three-month mark when you might be questioning things in your mind. I can’t be there for all those moments, but I hope I can help you through my content to trust yourself.

SP: What are some ways to feel less anxious during the process of connecting, dating, and even while pursuing your dreams?

B: Recognize that hyper fixation is not healthy or sustainable long-term. It’s okay to embrace the uncertainty of dating. Even when someone is being intentional and consistent, showing all the green flags, you might still feel anxiety, and that’s perfectly normal. It doesn’t mean something is going wrong. It’s just the unfamiliar, and the unfamiliar can be uncomfortable.

Also, it’s important to have your own life—things you’re interested in, things you’re pursuing, your friendships, other connections, and your work or career. When you invest in yourself and give yourself that love, it’s like dating yourself throughout the process.

There’s also a trend in dating now where many people feel burned out, discontented, and start to swing to the other extreme, saying, ‘I don’t need anyone, I’m deleting the apps.’ That’s fantastic, and I support that. But deep down, you’re a lover, whether you’re a ‘lover girl’ or ‘lover boy.’ So, that mindset may serve you for a while, but eventually, you’ll want to date again.

SP: I also wanted to ask about the challenges you face as a content creator.

B: I’ve been able to grow and develop a pretty big community across social media, which I’m very fortunate for. But overall, I see some sort of vanity in metrics, like the total number of followers. (…) So the difficult part for me is just having so much desire and passion within me. I’d love for every video to go viral. I’d love for everyone to see everything I do and listen to my podcast. But that’s not happening.

And so in those moments when I go through self-doubt—like, is this meant for me? Should I give it all up? (…) I have to remind myself that if I stay true to myself and my Flirt Coach mission, as long as I do that with each video, I’m on the right path.

As long as I continue to empower daters and non-daters to practice connection—romantic, platonic, and with themselves—I think I’m doing the right thing. I got a piece of advice a while ago: ‘Create for the version of you that really needs to hear what you’re saying.’ And so, I think about the version of myself that was so unbelievably depressed, lost, confused, and contemplating it all. Even though I’m talking about dating most of the time, connection, flirting, and healing, if I were to watch that content, would I have gotten something that at least for a moment, made me feel better? Maybe it was a laugh, a smile, or a mindset shift—something.As long as I’m staying true to my Flirt Coach mission of connection and creating for that person, I don’t think I can go wrong in the long run. Ultimately, I chose this. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Billie Jean King, and she said, ‘Pressure is a privilege.’ There’s a lot of pressure in this position, but what a privilege as well. Like, I chose to do this work. No one forced me, no one told me, no one handcuffed me or said, ‘You must do this.’ No, I chose to do it, and I’m going to continue to choose to do it, probably forever.