Testimonial written by Malena Sanchez Moccero*
Photographs: Courtesy of the author

If you’ve missed “My Journey Through Motherhood #1”, read it here.

Day 8: Take Care of Yourself

Today was a good day. A peaceful, quiet day.

In my research, specialists constantly emphasize the same thing: you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your children. Yet during this holiday, I wasn’t making space for myself, and I could feel it directly affecting the way I mother.

This morning, I woke up and went to the gym. It felt good to exercise, to have time for myself. I don’t particularly like the gym—I prefer sports—but I know it makes me feel better, and it’s good for my health, so I make the effort and go. I came back home feeling well, the good kind of tired. I walked in to find my children playing peacefully, having breakfast, calm and independent. A scene to remember.

My introduction to motherhood was shaped by my mother’s words: “You take care of your own child. Babies need their mother. Breastfeeding is very important. Your kid needs you.”

But as I walked in from the gym, I watched my children and thought about that mandate. Are children always better off with their mothers? Maybe not. Sometimes, they need space too.

I think my mother’s advice could apply to the earliest years of a child’s life. But her words often replay in my mind like an endless loop. What I once accepted as a rule, I now allow myself to question. When I think of a mother who is raising her children without ever stepping away, I picture an exhausted woman, drained, out of patience, longing for an escape.

Another obvious truth that I seem to rediscover over and over on my motherhood journey: we have our own lives, and that nurtures and strengthens us, making us better mothers. We shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting time for ourselves, for stepping away from the role occasionally. Whether it’s going out to eat with friends, playing sports, traveling, going to the gym, or working outside the house, these things don’t make us less of a mother.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie says it best in Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions: “Be a full person. Motherhood is a glorious gift, but do not define yourself solely by motherhood. Be a full person. Your child will benefit from that”.

Day 9: Stay Grounded (Or How A Sushi Night Beats Meditation)

I often think about something parenting experts say: Children are growing, learning about their emotions and behaviors, which means they can easily become dysregulated. But as adults, we can’t afford to do the same. We can’t lose control. And while that’s a lot of pressure, I find it undeniably true. We simply can’t. That’s the reality.

It sounds simple, but actually applying it is another story.  

How do we stay grounded when we’re exhausted, stressed, running on little to no sleep, juggling work pressures, and dealing with kids who are shouting, misbehaving, or just plain defiant? How do we remain calm and confident in the face of their emotional outbursts?

Meditation? 

My husband meditates regularly, so I decided to give it a try. I downloaded an app. I woke up before the kids—before the sun even came up—, went downstairs, put on my earphones, and closed my eyes. I tried to focus by listening to the calming sounds and soothing voices guiding the meditation. But before long, my mind started to wander. The never-ending to-do list, all the unfinished tasks. I just couldn’t focus. Sorry, meditation—not for me right now.

Then, I talked to my neighbor friends, who are also moms of two or more young kids, and we planned a sushi night.  We had to jump on the rare opportunity when we could all get away together, a much-needed “girls’ night” to relax. One of my friends picked me up, and we enjoyed a wonderful evening of eating, drinking, and uninterrupted conversation. I returned home feeling completely refreshed. I peeked into my kids’ rooms, watched them sleep, kissed them goodnight, and finally went to bed, at peace.

My therapist once shared something that has truly helped me: don’t take their outbursts personally. They’re not doing it to you. It’s difficult, but I believe this is the key to staying grounded—refusing to take it personally when they trigger us. Instead of reacting from an emotional place, we can remain in the role of a guide. The moment we let our triggers take over and respond emotionally, we stop being the guide and become their equal.

Day 10: With a Little Help From My (And Their) Friends

Things are getting so much better. But when you’re raising human beings, you learn not to get too excited. 

I always think back to when my kids were babies—after one full night of sleep, I’d naively believe the sleepless roller-coaster nights were over. But parenting is always about ups and downs. You learn to live in the present and not expect too much. Still, I can’t believe the good days we’re having. I’m nearing the end of this challenge and getting closer to that ideal version of motherhood my therapist laughs about (she’s still on vacation, by the way).  

They kids are behaving better. And when they aren’t, I’m staying grounded. I try to be present for them when I’m not working.

It’s not magic. The small changes we’ve made during this challenge are having a positive impact.  

Another strategy we’ve implemented is inviting friends over. Life is better with friends.

Yesterday morning, some neighbor kids came to play. I watched my kids: happy, in a good mood, cooperative. By midday, their friends went home, and my two daughters set the table for lunch without me asking. I was pleasantly surprised. We sat down, ate peacefully, talked, laughed—just like a Coke commercial.

Day 11: Not Losing Yourself

Not to submit. Not to struggle. Not to suffer. Not to give so much. Not to lose yourself. I learned this in a year of therapy. And yet, sometimes, I still forget. “Make space for desire,” my therapist says. Don’t do things out of obligation. Don’t sacrifice so much. 

Motherhood has a way of pulling you into self-forgetting. You give up so much for your children that you lose sight of who you are, what you enjoy, what you like. Sometimes, when we’re planning the day, my husband asks me, “But what do you want?” And when you’re always thinking about what’s best for the kids—what’s most convenient, what works better—you sometimes realize you no longer know what you want anymore. 

So, how am I bringing this into the everyday? By choosing activities with my children that I genuinely enjoy. After 10 years of motherhood, I can no longer tolerate playing waitress—pretending to serve coffee, bringing imaginary bananas, repeating all the acting. If my daughter asks, I simply say, No, thank you. 

What I do enjoy: going out for breakfast with my oldest son, doing puzzles with my youngest daughter, lying down watching a movie with my middle daughter. Sharing moments we both enjoy. Because when you give endlessly, and your child gets frustrated, snaps at you, or treats you poorly, it’s easy to feel unappreciated. And that’s when all that over-giving turns into deep frustration and resentment. And in that state, staying grounded during their emotional outbursts becomes even harder. 

Day 12: Watch Their Small Hand

I don’t remember if someone told me this or if I read it somewhere, but as a mother of young children, the advice deeply resonated with me: When you feel overwhelmed, when anger takes over, look at their small hands.

Today was a rough day for my middle daughter. She was demanding, looking for a fight, crying over everything. I wanted to help her, but nothing was enough. Before dinner, I told her she should take a bath. She refused. She shouted. I repeated to myself what has almost become a mantra: Stay grounded. Stay grounded. 

Then, I remembered. Watch her small hand. 

I looked at her tiny, thin fingers. The delicate bracelet her cousin made for her. She is so little, so sensitive, incredibly creative, and funny.

I made a few jokes, gave her some tickles. She relaxed. She laughed. She forgot about her tantrum. She took a bath, and later, we read a story together in her bed. 

Watch their small hands.

Day 13: Have A Special Moment With Each of Them

In the afternoon, my middle daughter went to a playdate and was invited to sleep over. This meant the house was quiet. My eldest son got to sleep in, and I had the chance to spend time with my youngest daughter, giving her my full attention. I looked into her eyes, my phone far away. It felt so good to be completely focused on one person I find so adorable. We played with her animal cards—she’d pick one, give me clues, and I had to guess the animal. Watching her, I couldn’t resist kissing her. 

Later, my husband took over, and I went out for breakfast with my eldest son. I realized how long it had been since we’d had time alone. Poor boy—every time he tries to tell me something, his sisters interrupt. He gets frustrated, and eventually, he just gives up. I had my computer and a lot of work, but I made a conscious effort to do the same thing I had done with my daughter: focus on him, without distractions. He talked non-stop about his new soccer club, and about his challenges. He asked about my work, about my friends. He has always had so many questions, ever since he learned to talk. As he spoke, I really looked at him—his face, his sparkling eyes. When did he grow up so much? 

He had hot chocolate and a croissant, reading his summer book while I wrote this. I felt so happy to share this moment with him.

After lunch, I picked up my middle daughter from her friend’s house. Back home, the usual—being a family of five with limited TV time is quite a challenge. We made it work. My eldest went to his drum lesson, and my youngest joined her dad. I stayed home with my middle daughter—the one I hadn’t spent exclusive time with yet that day. I tried to work, but she was demanding. So, instead, we baked together. A healthy brownie recipe—yes, with mascabo sugar and whole wheat flour. It was delicious. We had such a great time.

Everything about my Little House on the Prairie day was wonderful. The only problem is that, eventually, I still need to get my work done.

Day 14: Let’s Call The Nanny

Our small changes were working well. Until they weren’t. “Things don’t work”, my therapist says.

We both woke up swamped with work. And so it began—our subtle battle over whose job was more urgent, more demanding… more profitable. A dangerous territory. Best not to venture there…. 

I don’t ever remember my parents struggling this much. 

My husband “won” today. His work was more urgent. He locked himself up in the home office, and I stayed with the kids, in a really bad mood.

I was furious. How could we have organized ourselves so badly? What were we thinking, trying to work so much during the summer without a plan for the kids?

Then I remembered the teenager who lives in the house behind ours. She’s still in high school, and we sometimes call her to watch the kids when we go out for dinner. The best part is that my kids think it’s a great plan. They really like her. She had been away on vacation, but now she was back. 

My husband and I decided to ask her to help with the kids a few mornings over these 15 days left of summer break before school starts. She liked the idea. We both exhaled.

This will be good for our family. We’ll be able to organize ourselves better, and be in a better mood. When family help isn’t available, sometimes you have to pay for it. But, honestly, it’s worth every penny.

Day 15: Finding Joy

Today, I relaxed with them. The suffocating heat of the past few days had passed with the rain. There was sun, but a cool breeze was blowing gently. It was late afternoon, and my husband was away for work. I lay down on the trampoline with the kids. 

My middle daughter loves to play spa—she makes signs, calls me “you” in the formal way , and tells me all about her imaginary life. Both kids gave me massages, and I almost fell asleep. They giggled and chatted, lost in their own little worlds. Later, my eldest came home from soccer. I decided not to cook and ordered pizza. 

Sometimes, you have to let go of healthy eating for the sake of emotional well-being. 

We ate in the garden, then went back to the trampoline. We lay there together, looking at the stars, watching satellites move across the sky. This sparked endless questions. We talked for a long time. 

Today, this worked. Tomorrow will be another day.

“As long as you hold on to that belief and those unattainable standards of the ‘good mother,’ you will continue to feel frustrated,” my therapist emphasized.

But how do I eradicate this deeply ingrained belief? This constant self-demand? That’s what I’m working on—starting with acknowledging that I can’t do it alone and seeking help from my therapist. I believe that each lesson I reinforced in this challenge can help me on this journey: not overloading myself, not giving too much, not sacrificing myself, not forgetting about me—my desires, my joys, my identity, those small everyday moments that bring me well-being. Taking care of myself to be a better mother. Watching their little hands…

I can’t be perfect. Even though social media tries to convince me otherwise, I remind myself: No, there are no perfect mothers. 

I have the tools. I have the will. I’ll try my best. I’ll make mistakes. I’ll learn. 

Today, I’m enjoying parenting again. Tomorrow will be a new challenge.

*Malena Sánchez Moccero is a journalist specializing in culture and education. As a mother of three young children, she devours everything she can find on motherhood and parenting, drawn to the dilemmas of gender inequality, domestic labor division, and societal expectations of mothers. A perfectionist with high personal standards, she often struggles to balance idealized motherhood with real-life demands.